I’ve said before that my strongest urge is to escape. Crisis hits, I’d much rather fly than fight. Life gets tough, I start thinking about ways out.
As I’ve grown and matured, this has become less of, “How can I get away?” and more of, “How can I change things to make them better?” I like this because it feels like a more empowered approach, and I like empowerment.
Of course, changing things still inevitably means leaving somethings or people. In particular, I’m thinking about my job. I work a high stress and demanding job. (Thankfully it’s not life-threatening!) They system in which I work demands more and more of me without compensating with additional time or resources (or pay raises). Frankly, I get tired, then start thinking about where else I could work.
I could find a different agency.
I could start a private practice.
I could apply for the supervisor position that’s STILL vacant.
I could go back to Starbucks.
…okay, maybe not that.
The fun part is that I have options, and I’m really grateful for that.
What’s puzzling me is my instincts. I want to escape, or be empowered and take charge of my life. But in the background is another value; trusting God. Believing that He is able to care for me and that His strength in me is sufficient for whatever may come.
I wonder if I can be an empowered person working to change my situation to something more my liking and still be a person who diligently, faithfully and completely trusts God.
I wonder if a balance exists in that tension and if I can find it.
Meanwhile, lunch is over. Back to work.